Clay Maniken

Is it just me? Or is something creepy going on here?

Perhaps Barry went to his plastic surgeon and said, "Make me look young again to sing Daybreak". And the surgeon was a little distracted and heard "Claybreak"...and there you have it.

26 Things I've Come to Believe - In No Particular Order

1. While I don't like peanut butter, I recognize it's important use as a pill-delivery-mechanism for dogs.
2. I'll probably never get used to the way people in Connecticut pronounce words like "mountain" and "button". As in, "I lost my bu'un on the moun'ain". Grrrr.
3. It's rude to type on your computer or surf the net while sitting with someone and having a professional conversation.
4. It's even worse in a phone meeting when you're typing feverishly and forget to mute your phone.
5. "It's not you, it's me", often actually means: "It's me, not knowing how to tell you what's wrong with you."
6. No matter how hard I try to not let it bother me, the smell of bananas makes me gag.
7. If you're six years old and you've brought home the potato plant project you grew in a glass in school, and decided to plant it in the backyard, be sure to tell your clueless mother so she doesn't think someone planted pot in her garden.
8. I can communicate with dogs ....really basic stuff, but no shit, I believe this - and I'm not heavily medicated. (at least not for that)
9. No matter how many premium channels you have on your cable/dish service, there is nothing worth a damn on when you want to watch something. And the free movies are never the good ones.
10. Most big telecom companies (and a good portion of the little ones too) are just plain evil.
11. All big insurance companies are evil - regardless of how nice some of their customer service reps might seem.
12. As sales managers go, many who reach that title are really good sales people - but can't manage a trip to the grocery store without screwing it up and getting people under them fired.
13. "He's just not that into you" has become really overused. And many women still don't grasp the concept.
14. If you have children, or mentor any, don't kill their dreams, no matter how impractical they seem to you. Find a way to help them reach for them realistically, instead of using your own fears and failures to push them to claw toward the safety of mediocrity.
15. The older I get, the less tolerance I have for stupid people.
16. The older I get, the less tolerance I have for trashy people who smack their gum wherever they go - especially when they're working at a restaurant.
17. Stupid trashy gum smackers ought to be deported to somewhere in the Utah desert - let them set up their own stupid trashy gum-smacking town away from civilized people.
18. I've said this before, but if women came with teleprompters, relationships would be so much easier for guys. Just because we don't take obscure hints, doesn't mean we're stupid; it doesn't mean we don't love you; it just means you didn't communicate clearly.
19. Restaurants should offer a Quiet Dining Section where no screaming or bellowing is allowed.
20. No matter how hard I try, I can't teach my dog to scratch my itch on command.
21. People on the east coast are no less laid-back than people from California.
22. Sex is a great cure for stress. But sadly, I hear the converse can also be true.
23. Ryan Seacrest has been secretly infused with Dick Clark's DNA - just watch him over the next 20 years, it's going to get freaky.
24. I have a hard time trusting anyone with no sense of humor, and an even harder time liking them.
25. Anybody taking this list too seriously, needs to take a step back and a deep breath.
26. Don't worry about #25, there's nobody here reading this anyway.

Holier Than Whom?

I came across this article about Swingers in the Orthodox Jewish community. It got me thinking about religion and values. If we're lucky, we grow up with parents who teach us how to create good value system for ourselves. Hopefully, they do this by modeling good behavior. Ideally, they practice this good behavior when the kids aren't around.

But like anything, nobody is perfect. And parents have to sometimes ask their children to do as they say, not as they do -- especially with things like smoking, drinking and sex. But parents aren't the only role models or the only ones who try to lead by example. The list includes politicians, religious leaders, and within certain communities, the defacto leaders. By the nature of the roles they accept or the lives they choose, they agree to live by example.

I was raised in Conservative Judaism, but have known many Orthodox Jews who were far more observant than me. I made a personal choice not to embrace the Orthodox lifestyle, as it didn't mesh with my lifestyle; and I'd feel a hypocrite trying to fit in where I didn't belong - where I really wasn't worthy, due to my personal practice. Reading this article makes me really wonder against what standard I was holding myself.

It also makes me think about people who say they lead by example, but are often exposed otherwise. People like Elliott Spitzer who crusaded against prostitution as an Attorney General, but was a customer himself - people like Ted Haggard, a family man and leader of a large church who preached to thousands about, among other things, the sins of homosexuality and drugs. Turns out, he was doing meth with gay prostitutes -- soemthing about these people really gets to me.

And what gets to me is not their morality - I don't judge - I've got enough skeletons in my glass closet that I'm not throwing ceramic coat hangers. What gets me is the hypocrisy. Nobody forces someone to enter and remain in public life. And many who are drawn to it have egos the size of the Canada. Often it's those very egos that push them to talk the talk, but not always walk the walk. They feel invincible, and often it's a rush to see how far they can push it.

That aside, these people are, I believe the technical term is, "douchebags". If you going to get on a soapbox and crusade, don't go do the very thing against which you're screaming "Bloody Murder". Political or community leader, religious leader, member of group that holds itself above others -- it's all the same. Don't sign up for the tour of duty of you can't handle the action. If your job involves people using you for a moral compass, you need to point true north all the time - not just when they're watching. If you expect your children to embrace the religious values of your strict community, you need to live them yourself, every day.

There are many reasons I left the K-12 classroom. And actually this was one of them. Among other things, elements of my lifestyle don't lend themselves to "good role model"; and I often felt like a hypocrite when certain subjects came up. When I left the classroom, that was like a burden lifted from my shoulders. I knew I'd never be a politician or a religious activist...too much commitment I wasn't willing to give.

So ego aside, why do people in these positions feel the need to challenge the strict boundaries they teach their children or followers to hold dear? What compels someone who lives a particular lifestyle to vigorously pursue a role that is diametrically opposed to how he appears to live? I don't get it. If anybody is still reading this, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Some Days

Some days things feel light and fun. And sometimes, like this moment in time, I just feel lonely and sad and can't really talk to anyone about it. So there...I got it off my chest for whatever it's worth. Hopefully I can start acting happy again before anybody notices.

Happy weekend everybody. (I said "everybody", like there are still THAT many readers that EVERYbody might apply...)

:=)

Thank You For Interviewing, May I Have All of Your Passwords Please?

Bozemnan Montana has gone way over the line. It seems that for years, they've been requiring applicants for city jobs to not only provide the URLs for any social networking sites to which they belong, but to also fork over the usernames and passwords. Is it just me, or does anyone else see anything wrong with it?

Well according to something I read here, it seems an Internet poll of Montana residents showed 98% thought this was an invasion of privacy. Um, you think maybe?

Aside from it violating terms of service of just about every social networking site, it seems it would give them access to information that is protected under federal laws. You know, the stuff they're not allowed to ask you in interviews.

But what I found fascinating was how they justified it. The city official quoted said they needed to do their "due diligence". He cited how it helped keep a man from getting hired by the fire department due to "illegal activity" they discovered - which he says is all they're really looking for.

Hey Bozo Montana, listen up. Here's an idea for ya....by all means do your due diligence. Go to Facebook and do searches for potential applicants. Try to get them to friend you. If they don't agree, you're shit out of luck. You have no right to know what someone writes on his own time, especially if it's not under his own name! Even if it is, if it's a private profile on a site that can only be viewed by people he allows - than it's none of your business. If someone's dumb enough to make something stupid public, have at 'em. But the private stuff? C'mon!

This is as bad as mandatory pre-employment drug testing for non-safety-sensitive jobs. Employers have found legal ways to get people to submit bodily fluids in order to get hired. And now people just turn over passwords like listing the last place they worked. What the hell happened to this country?

What's next? Turn over your personal computer and PDA for pre-employment inspection? Give prospective employers access to your ISPs online records to see where you go and what you view online? Maybe they should also be allowed to require you to submit a year's worth of your credit card statements and shopping receipts, so they can determine if you make purchases that might compromise your integrity as their valued employee.

We need to wipe the privilege of intrusive violation from the hands of the HR nimrods who thought it up. Make pre-employment drug screening illegal, except in certain cases where public safety is a concern. Make it illegal for a company to run a credit check on a prospective employee. In this economy, a lot of people have taken hits. Let's not axe them out of the market for that, when everything else checks out fine. Check for felony convictions? OK, I'll give in on that one. But listing social networking sites to which one belongs, let alone asking for confidential login information - we have to say "hell no".

If they want to do their due diligence, then let them work for it. Let them hire investigative teams to run background checks. Let them spend time and money interviewing neighbors if that's what they have to do. They can require everyone to submit multiple references and check everyone of them thoroughly. But stay the hell out of people's bodies; and if you can't find them online yourself, chances are your customers and the public won't either.

Girly Dog vs. Border Collie

The tug of war is on. Get your bets in...the classic David vs. Goliath battle....except without a slingshot, and nobody gets killed. No dogs or chew toys were harmed in the making of this video.

Perhaps There's Justice in The World After All

After all the posturing, pleas of innocence and more bad hair days than Bjork, Phil Spector was finally sentenced to 19 years to life for killing Lana Clarkson. And thank God he's finally going away.

Spector may be one of the all-time great producers in the history of music - no argument here. His "Wall of Sound" was far ahead of his time. But the same guy reportedly pulled a gun on the Beatles to get them to finish a recording session. He's a nutcase who finally got is just desserts. And after OJ Simpson had to be acquitted because the glove couldn't fit, it's nice to see that celebrity status doesn't necessarily come with carte blanche to be a lunatic killer.

And I suppose Karma being the bitch that it is, even OJ couldn't escape jail, albeit for lesser charges. I guess it all goes to remind us of a very important lesson about reaping what we sow. And as we transition from eight years of pandering to the special interests of the rich and blameless, to what will hopefully be a more socially and morally responsible America, the timing is pretty damn good.

"Whichever way your pleasure tends, if you plant ice, you're gonna harvest wind."

Robert Hunter/Jerry Garcia

California: The Golden Stain

I was always proud to be a California boy. It was a wonderful state in which to grow up in many ways. I used to get pissed when people from other states trash-talked my state. I never understood the hatred. And now I could not be any more disappointed in, and ashamed of, my home state. I can actually say I'm proud not to live there right now.

Equal rights are supposed to mean equality for all. If straight people can marry, so should homosexuals if they choose. It's rather simple. Nobody is asking any church to sanction it or require any clergy to perform a ceremony with which they're uncomfortable. Once again, it's fear rearing its ugly head - the fear d'jour: Homophobia.

If same sex couples want to commit themselves to marriage and all that it entails, why the hell would anybody care? The detractors condemn the homosexual lifestyle - as if all homosexuals are out there screwing on lawns on their way home from bars. (I actually remember that being an issue in West Hollywood a few years back when sex clubs were closing. Which still makes me wonder why someone's apartment, hotel room or car won't work. But that's another story.) Anyhow, these zealots tend to lump all non-heterosexuals into the camp of "deviant lifestyle" or "not moral" or "destined for hell".

They often use religion as the basis for their intolerance. They use the fear of God to convince sheeple to follow along and vote for ridiculous things like Proposition 8. That's one of the things that bugs me - the idea that this should have anything to do with religion.

This is about people who love each other, and make a commitment to each other, wanting to be married to each other - just like other people - where the only difference between them is the gender of the person to whom they're attracted. Like I said before, nobody said anything about any religious organizations having to perform these ceremonies. If your religious group is uncomfortable with it, then they don't have to participate. It doesn't demean or lessen the value of existing heterosexual marriages, as I've heard opponents complain. If anything, it would be their own insecurities and fear of differences that are demeaning them.

I've heard the argument that the purpose of marriage is to build a family unit. So using that logic, I guess since my fiancee and I aren't having children, we have no right to get married. These same people will tell you that same sex couples will be a bad influence on their children, and are often afraid they'll "turn the children gay". Hello? How many gay people came from Norman Rockwell-Brady Bunch homes? I'll go out on a limb and say that there are fucked up people in all walks of life. There are married family men out there molesting their children...but I guess as long as they are married to women and ask God to forgive them, they'll be forgiven and all will be well. Bull shit!

What's next? Do we go back to "only property owners get to vote"? Next it will be only white people, and then only white men. After that we can start demonizing religions we don't like. We can bring back the hideous glory of the "Don't Say No" Regan years, and ride that straight into prohibition and "whites only" restaurants. Won't be long after that and they'll start talking about how slavery isn't such a bad idea. Yeah, I know...makes me sound like a raving lunatic, right? No more ravingly loony than not allowing same sex couples the same right to a legal marriage that heterosexual couples currently enjoy (or decry, as the case may be).

If all people are created equally - and if we're all entitled to the pursuit of happiness, why shouldn't that actually apply to everyone? I have yet to see one good argument in favor of banning same sex marriage. If you have one, please bring it on; because I really don't believe there is one. And I'd love to hear it if you've got it..

Land of Intolerance and the Home of Hypocrisy

I hate to say it, and as proud as I am of so much of America and our accomplishments over the years, in some ways, we're so far from having it together that it's downright scary. In this article from the NY Times Magazine, we learn that apparently integration hasn't come as far as we might have thought, since the 60's.

Apparently, there is a high school in Georgia that doesn't sponsor its own prom. Instead, there are two private proms set up: A white students' prom and a Black students' prom. White prom is only open to white kids. Black prom is open to anybody. And did I mention that this is going on in 2009?

Freaking astonishing. And obvious why the school doesn't sponsor its own - they'd have to include both groups. In fact, a school administrator was interviewed and said something to the effect of they had tried it, but turnout was poor, so they're not considering sponsoring one again.

Now here's the truth. The white parents at this Montgomery County Georgia school are racist pigs who can't seem to fathom the idea that the only differences between Black and white students is the color of their skin. They'll say they're not being racist, and that it's just a tradition. We've always done it that way!

I think anyone whose read my older posts knows how I feel about that defense. It's horseshit! Tradition is no excuse for defacto racism and exclusion. I have friends in and from Southern states; and I know not all southerners feel this way. But what the fuck is wrong with this contingent of bigoted asshats who can't seem to get past the hatred and fear?

That's it - fear. The kids even said they wanted an integrated prom, but their parents won't allow it. Their parents are afraid of having a mixed dance, because it was "wrong" when they were growing up, and they're too closed-minded, self-involved and ignorant to realize how completely messed up this is. Perhaps they feel it will promote their white children getting too close with Black students -- like it doesn't happen behind their backs all year long anyway!

Perhaps most disturbing were some of the comments I read by morons agreeing with this practice. "Well they have Black only beauty pageants and stuff, so we should have ours too", or something like that. Look: There is no "White" subculture - Martin Mull made a lot of $$ lampooning it, but it's not real. There is Black culture, as any time you have sub group that has to struggle for equality, there are bound to be some shared subculture that develops, and with it, its own music, art and so on.

But white people? C'mon, we're the majority in this country and have never been oppressed because of our color. There is no White Culture - unless you consider drinking beer on the front lawn and listening to country music while your wife/cousin fixes dinner to be a cultural activity. The white supremacists who say there is, or there should be, are just scared little children with bald heads and/or hoods, who can't come to terms with their own lack of American Dream fulfillment. They need to blame anyone who appears different than them. So anyone non-white becomes bad, and suddenly "White America" is under "attack". These people and their hatred are the real problem in this country; but what do we do?

Well, here's my solution. No federal education funds for any school districts whose schools support segregated activities like this, even if not paid for with school funds. The school is implicitly agreeing with hatred, racism and bigotry by allowing this crap to continue. So since federal funds are stretched enough, let the hate mongers fund their children's education out of pocket. If parents want to behave like ignorant children, let's hold them accountable for the bad examples they set for their own.

The Seat Swings Both Ways

Not that it's a problem in my home, but I thought with summer more or less upon us, it's time to address an etiquette issue that's bound to come up as people visit one and others' homes. How should a toilet seat be left at rest: Up or Down?

That seems to be a major sticking point for many, and a sore spot in many relationships. I've known women who are militant about the seat being left down with the lid open. Their argument is often that in the middle of the night, when it's dark and they're too tired to check, they don't want to "fall in". And don't close the lid in those houses, because they are unable to discern the absence or presence of the hole, and may just piss all over the lid.

OK lazy ladies, listen up; because your seat-down-mentality is full of, um, holes. First, if we have to be paying enough attention in the middle of the night to move the seat, so should you. It swings up and down, so we can both pay attention equally, and adjust as needed. I mean c'mon, is it that hard to lift and lower a seat? You give us so much crap, but with a piece of TP in your hand, it isn't that tough or that messy for you either.

And why the hell can't you pay enough attention at night to tell whether it's up or down? Why? Why? Why? This has puzzled me for years, and nobody has ever given me a reasonable answer. Get a nightlight if you must, but for heaven's sake, don't blame us because you were too lazy or stupid to check first. If I pee on a closed lid without checking, that's MY fault - not the person who closed the lid - and I need to clean it up without bitching at anyone else.

Secondly, and I honestly don't do this, but most guys won't lift the seat to pee if it's down. Yes ladies, I know that sounds gross. But it's reality. If you insist it stay down, most guys will just leave it that way, do their business and move on. You'll be lucky if they take some paper and wipe up any spillage. Personally, I use the seat too, and would rather not soil it; so I always lift. But most guys don't think that far into the future.

So here's my solution, and it seems to work pretty well. On any shared toilets, the lid and seat BOTH go down after each use. That way, we both have to lift, and we both have to check before use. And as a bonus, the big dog doesn't have another water bowl, and the little dogs won't jump in and get stuck looking for treats.

Whaddaya think? Anyone? Bueller?

Four Years, And A Lot To Remember

I've been thinking about how long it's actually been, and how quickly the time seems to have gone. It's been four years (almost to the day) since the Memorial Day BBQ when my father visited me in Los Angeles for the last time ever. March was four years since Mom checked out. I still smile, a bit sadly, when I think of her comment, "...when I die, your dad will be gone within six months". It was six months and two weeks to the day. I think perhaps because Memorial Day falls between Mother's Day and Father's Day, I tend to think about them today.

It's kind of weird; I think about them more today, than on their anniversary or birthdays. Maybe because besides this being a day about remembering those who died for our freedom, it's become a defacto time for gathering with friends and loved ones, and just having a good time with those special to us. And despite the obligatory grief that parents and children often give each other, there were a lot of good times...and sadly, probably more than I can remember.

My mom used to tell me that what got her through some really dreary times, was to just remember the good, and let the bad fade away. I always kind of envied her ability to do that, as I have been one to hang on to the negative memories and let them ruin something otherwise good...or as the song says, to "...find the fatal error in what's otherwise alright". Not that I'm a pessimist - far from it. But I never understood how she could do that so easily.

I've learned that I tend to look back at the good times as "read", and most of them don't stand out unless there was something extra special. The bad shit, however, sticks out Natasha's Adam's Apple on this past season of "Rock of Love: Skank Bus" (or whatever it was called). I'm not sure why that is; perhaps I'm just wired that way. But it's days like today that make me really think about the good stuff, and try to let it outshine the bad.

For me, today is a day to remember the good things I have, and the huge leaps I've taken since "Death in the Desert - Tour 2005" (shirts still available in some areas). I'm on the east coast - back where it all began when my grandparents emigrated here in the early 1900s. In a way, it's like a coming full circle, which can also be like starting anew - as I've done here.

I think back to the events that helped shape me and helped me make myself who I am today. And I can't help but smile at the great lessons my parents helped me learn. I'm truly fortunate to have had them in my life for as long as I did, and recommit myself to being the best I can at whatever I do. I know they were proud of me, so it's not to please them. But perhaps one of the most important lessons they imparted - whether directly, indirectly or through guilt and the subsequent therapy - was to live to make myself proud of me. It's a lesson I often forget, and it comes like a much needed loving kick in the ass today.

Yes, today is really about remembering people who fought and made the ultimate sacrifice for us; I know that. But as I've also learned, anything can be what you make it, if you really want it to be that way badly enough.

Happy Memorial Day.

Better Sleeping Through Chemistry & Gardening, My Ass!

It's five am, and after ativan, tradazone and other things, I actually got around four hours before waking up about an hour ago. I actually thought I was finally sleeping through the night. At least it's a holiday weekend where I have nowhere to be until noon today...yeah, it's freaking today already. Not sure what else we have going on this weekend, but to anybody reading this, have a great Memorial Day weekend. Here's wishing everyone lots of fun and sleep!

Speaking of which, I feel something kicking in so time to attempt recrash.

Oh Those Whacky Poles and Their German Porn

Someone from Poland actually found this blog by typing "Biggerman Porn" into Google. Not sure how, but it pointed them to this ol' post about a childhood flu-induced hallucination.



Hey, what do I care? As long as SOMEONE shows up here now that I'm posting again.

One of those days, er weeks,er whatever...

Ever just feel like you've been kicked in the gut, and your whole body is shaking on the inside? That's kind of how I've felt these last couple days. I flash back to being a kid in school and feeling out of place - left out of the crowd. I remember that sad, sick feeling in my stomach - and just wishing someone would come over and just smile at me, maybe even, God Forbid, talk to me kindly for a minute. It feels kind of like that - though I think unrelated....I mean, my colleagues are 500 miles away and my friends are scattered, mostly in CA. It's not like I have any fitting in issues with any groups. Maybe I'm just a bit nutty.

I don't know.....it just feels crappy and I hope I can get a handle on it quickly.

Focus

...ain't all it's cracked up to be, right? Who needs focus anyhow?

Walking in Footsteps

I love my dad a lot and miss him terribly at times. I have a world of respect for him on so many levels, it would take several posts to address. But Dad certainly wasn't perfect. And when it came to business, there were always struggles

At one time he actually owned his own business, and enjoyed a good deal of success. But it became too overwhelming at a certain point. He always tried - he was never afraid to take the risk - to make a better life for us. If that meant taking a promotion to a job he hated, he tried it. If it meant quitting and investing his retirement into an auto detail shop, which he sold to buy a sandwich shop, he tried it. But sadly, these ventures flopped and landed him back at square one. If he hadn't sold his house when he did, he'd still be working -- and he died in 2005.

One of my biggest fears my whole life has been that I'd follow in those footsteps. And I've had plenty of jobs and experiences where I know that hasn't been the case. But I've also had my what ifs and if onlys. Right now I'm working hard trying to build a territory in a fairly new area...where I don't really have any of "my contacts"....it's like starting from scratch.

Considering that, and from what my colleagues tell me, I'm doing fine. But I set a higher standard for myself than just doing "fine". I expected to be doing better by now and of course, in my fucked up brain, I start worrying about following down "that path". What if I don't hit my targets? What if it takes longer than predicted? Will they stick with me? Will my fiancee be patient with me? Will I stress myself so stupid about it that I can't function? Will I ever stop wondering "what if"?

Well, I think work is going to keep my around. They seem to recognize what I'm doing and feel that in time I'll build this up nicely...and I have to agree. I have faith that my fiancee will be patient, as she has been to now. I know women who would've been putting a ton of pressure on me about now; and she's been great. Besides, I put enough pressure on myself for my boss and family together.

As for whether I'll stress myself stupid so I can't focus, that's happened a few times. I have to find a good "ground"...a way I can refocus my self-support mechanisms,, and direct myself properly and at the right pace, without giving in to the distracting conversations I'm prone to have with myself about everything. The curse of a brilliant mind....hehehe, g'head, laugh at that.

Anyhow. Life is good. I'm grateful to have a job and a home and my family (fiancee and the fur kids). So my house in LA won't be mine soon.......and at best, if it goes well, it won't cost me anything more. My credit may have gotten fucked up by divorce aftermath, but I can rebuld that in time.

Life goes on and focus get better with chemistry, rest and a lot of deep breathing and relaxing. Either way, I know I'm walking in my own footsteps, so I still have some control of how the story goes. And while I can't say that I'll ever stop wondering "what if", I'm still walking toward a happy ending, and smiling whenever I can.
(Cue Gene Autry...."Happy trails to you, until we m...."

Red Ones, Yellow Ones, Orange Ones and Green Ones

Or...Fall is way bitchin!

 

I'm talking about leaves.  Yes, it's fall in the northeast again, and it's been gorgeous!  We took a trip to Mohonk Mountain House this weekend.  Amazing place!  It's up in an area of New York called "New Paltz", about 90 miles north of Manhattan - or "Upstate" as the NYC locals like to call anything north of the Bronx.

The vistas and landscaping were truly breathtaking.  The stately house was beautifully appointed - especially if you like a classic look.  Very classy place, and the brunch buffet was quite filling.  I was thinking, for what they charge, it ought to be...but considering the view from our window table, and the really tasty prime rib, crispy bacon and waffles with Heaven-sent maple syrup, I have absolutely no complaints.  Well, we didn't see all there was to see.  I guess we'll just have to go back!

Enjoy the little video if you like.  The full size pics are much more vibrant, but this is still pretty cool. Now I get why people who don't live in California love fall....Fall is way bitchin!