A Lesson from Dad

I've been doing a good deal of soul searching lately.  A large portion of it involves coming to terms with the fact that I may indeed be more affected by ADD than I even possibly imagined.  In retrospect, I think my dad may have had it too.  He was easily distracted, had CRS* from a very young age, had the temper and a lot of the other signs. But he also had something else, something I'm learning can also be a big part of this "ADDemeanor":  He was able to stay positive, no matter how much it seemed to him as if he had failed. No matter how down he might get, it was only for a short time. Then he was back up, positive and on top of the world.

No matter how tough things got, Dad always had that attitude that they would indeed get better someday, somehow - even if he didn't know how. It was  this unyielding faith that got him up in the morning after failed business ventures that forced him back to working for someone else, for less than he was worth.  It was what kept him going for years during my mom's long bout with Multiple Sclerosis.  No matter how clear it was to everyone she would never get better, he held out hope. I often scoffed at this behind his back. "How could anyone be so naive?" I'd wonder.  But I think that was really a case of seeing something in him that I had inside myself and didn't feel comfortable with at all. And I somehow found enough compassion in me to resist the urge to share my observations with him - something he probably couldn't have done himself were the situations reversed. He needed that faith to survive.

My mom used to always tell me to take their good traits and examples and live by them; and toss out the stuff they do that doesn't work for me.  Very practical advice, despite the passive-aggressive guilt trip that would often accompany it.  I've made a concerted effort over the years to do that - often with good results, many times without.  My dad's little example taught me something.  I may get down about things from time to time. I most certainly get frustrated with things - very easily, in fact I have since I was a kid.  I have been known to vent on and on about something that just ticks me off - something that probably isn't bothering anyone else. I can be in a desperate place in life, yet despite it all, I can't help but awake the next day and feel  somewhere deep down inside that things will get better.  They have to.

For this gift Dad, and  many others, I love you and thank you. And as I think back over the times we shared (like this one,  and this one,  and this one and the last Father's Day we spent together), I miss you.


*CRS = Can't Remember Shit