A West Coast Transplant's Guide to Visiting New York

I've been living on this coast for almost four years now.  While I'm no renowned expert, in that short time, I believe I've learned a thing or two about hanging out in the "Big Apple."  My perspective isn't that of a native, but rather that of someone who started as a visitor, became a nearby resident and now works there daily.  Take it for what it's worth or not.  But if you're visiting this great city, there are a few things you should probably consider.

First, let's talk about walking down the street. This seems to be a fairly easy thing to do; so it's a bit of a puzzle to me that so many can't seem to properly master it.  Sidewalks aren't of infinite width. People need to travel in two directions: to and fro.  If you're with a group of people walking four abreast down any street, you're blocking traffic and making someone late for something.  You're also pissing people off and are lucky they don't smack you as they zig-zag around you.  Speaking of having to dodge people, step to the side of the walkway if you're unable to text and walk at the same time.  People will let you slam into them just to help jolt you back to the reality that you're not at home on your fucking couch. Pay attention; it's a city fergawdsakes.

And while I know I've touched on this before, if you're sightseeing, take all the picture you want. Just remember that when you stop in the middle of the street to take a picture of a big building, you run the risk of being trampled.  The tramplers aren't being rude, you are. They're walking on a sidewalk.  You're blocking them and not giving a crap. So step to the side and snap away. (Pictures, that is; snapping other things that publicly, well that could be trouble.)

Speaking of getting around, you'll probably be in need of a taxi at some point.  First of all, those guys in the town cars trying to get you to ride with them? They're not taxis. Many are legitimate limo drivers looking for fares to fill the day. Many are guys with town cars looking to overcharge you for a five minute trip.  Stick to the yellow taxis.  If when you get in it smells like a middle eastern deli mixed with incense and body odor, you're in a regular NYC taxi. The driver will probably be yelling into his cell phone in Farsi/Hindi/Malay/Arabic/Swahili/Portuguese/Urdu/French/Italian or one of six thousand other languages. This is OK. He can drive with one hand, while flipping someone off and talking on the phone with the other.  I suggest not paying too much attention to the traffic or how he is driving however.  Instead, look to the sides and up and all around - just not forward.  If you get there in one piece, be sure to tip; and don't be a cheap prick and give a one dollar tip for a $20 cab ride.

Speaking of tipping, when you're in the restaurants, if service is good, tip appropriately. 20% is the STANDARD for good service.  Tip more if it was exceptional.  Some people still think 15% is standard. That was standard back in 1979 when my mother insisted that 10% was fine.  Don't be a tight-ass. Budget the tips into your trip planning.

And of course, this brings us to dining.  Every major city has Applebee's, TGI Friday's, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Ruby Tuesday and so on.  Anybody visiting New York City caught eating in one of these places ought to be taken out and sent home on a plane immediately. That's it, vacation over.  There are so many good restaurants in the city. Why would you insult your palette with Applebee's?  Really? Why?  Make websites like Chowhound and Urban Spoon your friends before you travel. Find some places that aren't chain restaurants and that have some character - and good food.  By character, I'm not referring the trendy touristy places - though definitely do some touristy stuff while visiting. Just remember that the best Chinese food isn't necessarily in Chinatown; and the best Italian food isn't necessarily in Little Italy.  Do a little research, ask locals for recommendations - and I don't mean the Concierge who gets kickbacks from sending people to Planet Hollywood in Times Square. And if you're planning to eat at a deli, read this first. 

So come on out.  Enjoy yourself. Don't get too upset at the sticker shock when you eat and do touristy stuff. But above all, follow a few simple rules, don't be a douchebag, and everybody wins.